There was the constant responsibility of carrying a gun. A big gun (I wore a military-issue .45 automatic). And I should mention here that in the three years I carried the gun on my side(it was legal in Arizona), I never once fired it in anger. Not once. The mere presence of a weapon in your possession, especially as one as powerful as a .45(you could stop a car with the right ammunition), could usually avert any notion of foul play that might arise. It wasn’t so much the fear of interacting with your ‘superiors’, that is, the persons who supplied you, although that was also a consideration. It was the simple fact that you carried large sums of money on you. Many people, including some of your ‘loyal’ customers, considered the possibility of liberating you of, say, ten thousand dollars, with one blow to the back of the head, to be another sad fact of ‘life in the big city’. So much for honor. And there’s always the image thing. People have the image of drug dealers preying on. No changes to the building, I still have the same apartment,Katie still scored a 90 yesterday. But some stuff about me has changed.My history isn't exactly how I remember it. My apartment looks different. Stuff that I could affect, that's changed with me.''And how about the mission you were on?''Well, it was the same mission. The same ooser - a pen. But my scoredidn't fit.''Let me get this straight - you came back from the same missionscenario - to pick up one out of stream object, or as you streamerscall it, an ooser. Both cases you had succeeded on the mission, right.''Right. But I went to a ball game. I remember going to a ball game. For3 hours. And I scored a 91. There is no way I'd have that high a scorehanging around in traffic so long. I was expecting around a 75. So Ithink the way I actually did the mission was different. I'm not surehow to handle the debrief...'And now it is really cracking. Which makes some sense, as I'm losingcontrol.'Okay, you can stop there. We don't.
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